How To Tell If Somebody Loves You:

Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!

Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.

Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.

Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.

Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.

Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.

Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.

RYAN O’CONNELL (via vvni)

"hey um it’s me….I know that I probably shouldn’t bother you but I just wanted to talk…I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for everything. I know that I shouldn’t have said anything but I’m so in love with you it hurts. I’m not mad because you don’t love me back, because why would you, I’m just upset that you….you left me. I trusted you and I don’t trust many people with anything and then I trusted you and you left…you just…you left without even saying why and now I’m alone again and I don’t feel like me…you…you made me feel like I was myself. You made me feel like I was happy again. You were my home. And I just…..I wanted to let you know that Im in love with you and I’m sorry and I wish I didn’t because I promised myself I would never fall in love and then you showed up with gorgeous eyes and a really funny laugh with your braces and weird hair and I just knew that I was fucked. And it’s been almost 5 months of whatever this was but today I realized; you don’t love me. I knew that but now I truly understand; you don’t love me. At least not in that way. And it fucking sucks because I’ve never felt good enough for anyone and then you made me feel wanted and I thank you so much for being there for me and being who you are because you are amazing but I now realize I can’t….I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be the friend you want me to be. I can’t e that girl that sits by while I’m still in love with you. And one day you’re going to find a pretty girl with a different laugh than mine and different eyes and a different perspective on life and I’ll try and be happy for you because all I want is for you to be happy. And fuck I hate this hour because that’s when I can cry and no one will notice and fuck you so much I love you I love you I love you and I can’t do this anymore knowing that you’ll never love me like that. So I’ll just stand back I guess; just pretend like we never had anything; we’ll just be friends and have great memories. so….I love you. I’m in love with you and I’m so sorry for everything. I hope you’re happy. I really, really do."

-I wrote this with shaky hands and bloodshot eyes is it too early to want to drink til my liver fails?

5 voicemails I should’ve left you

1. hey it’s me, sorry I didn’t answer the phone ahaha I just wanted to tell you that I had a great day and you’re so awesome, my parents love you by the way so come by whenever please okay? I’ll see you soon, bye haha

2. um hey it’s me and I know it’s 8pm but I’m at the football game and I saw blonde hair and I thought of you…miss you

3. you little dweeb answer your phone and come back here and love me oh and being food too because we need food, love ya

4. hey It’s me….you probably know that but um… I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I’m in love with you…I know I ruined everything but I’m so so sorry so please…call me back?

5. hey it’s me, sorry it’s been so long but I was wondering if you wanted to hangout? 4 months has been too long, so call me sometime? bye


(r.s.)